This story reminds me of people with rigid thinking and strict, self-imposed dietary guidelines who go out to eat at restaurants or other people’s homes and are endlessly picky about everything that may be in the food.
Several years ago, after an outdoor Sunday morning gathering, many of the participants gathered to plant a fruit tree as a remuneration to the facilitator. Most of us were helping the two main individuals who’d planned the tree-planting.
As we gathered to plant the tree, the two planners began to argue. One had already taken the time to dig a hole of the appropriate depth, watered it, and gotten the tree ready to place into the hole. The other individual, however, argued that it wasn’t exactly the right spot, and insisted that a new hole be dug about three feet away. Most of us observers didn’t say much, but we thought that a mere three feet wouldn’t make much difference.

The person who’d dug the hole was rather upset at this turn of events, for she felt that all her work was now for naught. As it turned out, the rigid man who wanted to move the hole got his way. He argued that he had a degree in landscaping (or some related field), and that, therefore, his argument had greater weight.
To all us observers, it was a sad sight — something the two of them should’ve worked out ahead of time rather than force us all to witness their dispute (not to mention the time waste).
After it was over, Dr. Elan Neev told a little story to the few of us who remained. (Dr. Elan Neev, who was one of the tree-planting participants, is the author of Wholistic Healing, and the founder of the Self Improvement Institute in Los Angeles.) He told us that people in Israeli villages adopt Army units and take care of the soldiers and feed them. In one case, a group of ladies had spent the entire day preparing a special meal for an Army unit, unaware that they were orthodox Jews and strict vegetarians. The meal the ladies prepared included chicken.
The troops came to the dining room, and when they saw that the meal included chicken, they quickly and quietly spoke to their rabbi.
The rabbi told them that the value of honoring their hostesses was more important than their principle of being vegetarians. He said they needed to compare these two competing values. The rabbi explained the value of not hurting another — in this case, the ladies who worked all day to provide a special meal — was much more important than their dietary choice. He emphasized the word “choice.” He encouraged the soldiers to eat the meal and to say nothing of the chicken, which is what they did.
When Dr. Neev was finished telling this story, I paused, and said, “So they should have just planted the tree in the first hole, right?”
“Of course!” Dr. Neev exclaimed. “The fact that the landscaper was ‘right’ about the location was less important than the way he hurt the woman’s feelings, who had gone to all the work to plan the hole and to dig it. Of course they should have just planted the tree in that first hole. Now she will always have a bad feeling about that tree. It doesn’t matter that the landscaper was ‘right,’ since the end result is a minus, not a plus.” [NOTE: The apple tree that we planted in the “right” hole died within a few months.]
This story reminds me of people with rigid thinking and strict, self-imposed dietary guidelines who go out to eat at restaurants or other people’s homes and are endlessly picky about everything that may be in the food. “Oh, we can’t have sugar,” they say. “Oh, we can’t eat anything with pasteurized dairy products in it,” “What type of oil did you use in this dressing,” etc., ad nauseam. The result is that the hosts feel disgusted, insulted, and everyone ends up with indigestion, regardless how “correct” the food happens to be.
You must wonder why such rigid people don’t make dietary arrangements ahead of time. Of course, it’s important for some to have the answers to these food questions, but folks with these very strict dietary demands, who then impose their systems and nuances upon everyone else, don’t realize that they spoil the atmosphere so much that it counteracts any of the positive effects of the “good food.”
Dr. Neev then told me another story. Some years ago, he participated in a religious retreat in the Palm Springs area. The people leading the event were all strict vegetarians. On the last day of the retreat, the teacher served Hindu-style chicken. This shocked everyone, including his own students. The teacher encouraged everyone to enjoy the meal. He said, “One of my teachings is: No matter what you teach, you don’t want to be too attached to it.”
Christopher Nyerges is an educator and author of “Urban Survival Guide,” “Extreme Simplicity,” “Foraging California,” and other books. For information on his classes and books, go to www.SchoolofSelf-Reliance.com.