Learning Construction Lingo: An Outcast Makes Good

By Mark Jordan
Published on November 1, 1984
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Illustration by Jack Vaughn
Ascending the Mount of Hardware Savvy is just a matter of learning construction lingo.

Do you know what it’s like to shop at facilities frequented by those in the construction trades when you don’t know construction lingo? I do.

“I’d like some of those black, shiny nails with circles going around them,” I said brightly.
Bob looked at me. I knew his name was Bob from the label on his green work shirt. His eyes glittered like those of a starving wolf ready to devour its kill; then he looked back down at the paper in front of him, pulled a pencil from behind his ear, and began to write.

I waited a moment, unsure of his gesture, then asked again in a smaller voice. Bob never looked up but spoke in a slow, evil tone, “Buddy, find out what it is you want, and then come back here.”

Chagrined, I turned and walked out of the store past three smirking men in work clothes. I felt their eyes burn my neck and heard peals of laughter erupt when I left the store. I cursed the lumberyard quietly and furtively. Then, with the undying optimism of a man with a cause, I headed for the hardware store.

The hardware store man was with a fellow who had a tape measure gadget on his belt. They were deep in conversation — something about 12-2 Romex — and made frequent, reverent references to “The Code.” I lined up behind the workman and waited my turn. Two other workmen came in wearing huge grins, greeting each other and the hardware man like bosom buddies and getting what they needed.

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