We’ve Never Regretted a Private Burial

Enlarge Image Image Gallery Have you ever looked at a special place and thought, “I’d like to be buried there”? Such a simple wish may not be so simple to fulfill. PHOTO: FOTOLIA

One summer evening, my father-in-law, Frederick, suffered a fatal heart attack. EMTs rushed him to a nearby hospital in central Illinois, but in less than two hours, he was gone.

Within minutes of Frederick’s death, a hospital employee asked about funeral arrangements. I was jarred. My family was still in shock over our loss. Unsolicited, the staffer called a local funeral home and pulled me to the phone. The mortician, upon learning we had no plans, began to sell me his. I was angry that our grieving was interrupted for a sales pitch.

We had not anticipated Frederick dying. We had not expected to plan a funeral. I told the man plainly that I was galled that we couldn’t have a moment to ourselves free from advertising, and that I couldn’t bury my father-in-law without going through the funeral industry. Suddenly, I wondered aloud about burying Frederick’s remains on my property in central Colorado.

The mortician asserted that such an endeavor would be a terrible mistake. “In all my years as a mortician,” he fumed, “there was only one time I ever heard of someone trying to bury on private property. It took more than a year and turned out to be a huge, costly mistake.”

He warned me that I was going to have to wade through federal, state and local laws and regulations to obtain permission (which would almost certainly be denied, he said), and he asked what I would do with the body in the interim. Even if I could get permission, I would have to turn my entire 51-acre parcel into a cemetery and would thus never be able to sell it. The whole ordeal would cost much more than a traditional funeral and put the family through needless suffering. He kept urging me to give him permission to “take care of everything.” I told him I would think about it.

After I hung up the phone, the hospital staffer asked whether I had “made arrangements” with the funeral home. The staffer supported the mortician’s claims, telling me, “People just don’t go out and bury the dead anymore.”

“No,” I corrected her. “People in America don’t bury the dead anymore. But that is exactly what millions of other people all around the world do. They bury their dead on their own land, as they have since the dawn of time, without having to go through an industry to do it — and that is what I intend to do.” Thus began my quest to bury my father-in-law on my own property.

The mortician was wrong about everything — at least as it pertained to our situation — but my exchange with him opened my eyes. There are many issues to consider before burying someone on private property, and it is inadvisable to do so entirely on your own. You will find it expedient to involve “the authorities” to some extent, though it is sometimes difficult to limit that extent. The commercial and public entities able to assist do not function as buffets do, allowing you to pick only the services you want.