The Perils of Turkey Farming - The Last Laugh

Before he found his way into moonshine, a prominent resident of Plumtree Crossing took an ill-considered stab at turkey farming.

| November/December 1980

  • turkey farming - the last laugh - mustard and red
    Turkey farming is apt to be a source of laughs for everyone if the farmer isn't really a farmer.

  • turkey farming - the last laugh - mustard and red

"Promises are kinda like babies: They's fun to make, but they kin be hell to deliver."  

Well sir, I don't know if I ever told you thet there's a editor-type varmint what peers over my shoulder ever' time I sit down to write up one of these yarns ... fer the reason mainly of makin' sure I git the durn thing done! But this restless critter — a member of the badger family, I'd say — jist informed me of its intemperate opinion thet recent tales in this column have overindulged in one partic'lar belly-ticklin' subject. So this month I intend to take a stab at lubricatin' yer funny bones without passin' around a mention — nor even a sub-tile hint — regardin' thet henceforth not-under-discussion topic.  

I guess I'll jist have to resort to some dry humor, instead!  

Now it so happens thet — on the warm November day I'm fixin' to tell you about — Purvis Jacobs was outa town visitin' his rich widdered grandma. The rest of the Plumtree Crossin' Truth an' Veracity League was sittin' around the Gen'ral Store's front porch — feelin' pretty dispirited you might say — an' wonderin' when the heck thet travelin' grandson were goin' to return. (You wouldn't think one individual would be so sorely missed by the assembly ... but Purvis does have a tonic effect on a group.)  

Ennyway, with the honorable intention. of killin' time, Ott Bartlett piped up, "You know, fellers, it's true thet our absent friend Mister Jacobs is a level-headed businessman — with a lot of liquid assets, as it were — today, but 'twern't always so. Fact is, once he even got involved with a entyprise worse'n trying to sweet-talk ticks off'n n varicose-veined bloodhound!"  

Well, as ev'ry one of those porch squatters knows, Ott's such a born liar thet he has to git somebody else to call his hogs. Still, they's almost nothin' the ol' boys enjoy more'n a round of exaggerated fabricatin', so Lafe Higgins obligin'ly inquired, "Shucks, Mister Bartlett, what project could thet have been" ... an' here's the story Ott told in reply.  

Mother Earth News Fair Schedule 2019


Next: April, 27-28 2019
Asheville, NC

Whether you want to learn how to grow and raise your own food, build your own root cellar, or create a green dream home, come out and learn everything you need to know — and then some!


Subscribe Today - Pay Now & Save 64% Off the Cover Price

Money-Saving Tips in Every Issue!

Mother Earth NewsAt MOTHER EARTH NEWS, we are dedicated to conserving our planet's natural resources while helping you conserve your financial resources. You'll find tips for slashing heating bills, growing fresh, natural produce at home, and more. That's why we want you to save money and trees by subscribing through our earth-friendly automatic renewal savings plan. By paying with a credit card, you save an additional $5 and get 6 issues of MOTHER EARTH NEWS for only $12.95 (USA only).

You may also use the Bill Me option and pay $17.95 for 6 issues.

Canadian Subscribers - Click Here
International Subscribers - Click Here
Canadian subscriptions: 1 year (includes postage & GST).

Facebook Pinterest Instagram YouTube Twitter flipboard

Free Product Information Classifieds Newsletters