Short Stories to Make You Laugh

Learn how the terrible winter of '76-'77 in Plumtree Crossin' Florida was finally broke.

| March/April 1977

I don't know how things was up your way this past winter, but it was damn unpleasant here at Plumtree Crossin'. You know them stories about how the Ice Age swept across Siberia so fast that mastodons were instantly froze right in mid-bite as they chewed their cuds? Well the same thing happened here.

Lafe Higgins's whole flock of geese — he musta. had 50 or 60 of 'em — was right out there in Lafe's east pasture when the biggest Blue Norther' to hit Barren County in 96 years blowed through the immediate vicinity. Froze every last one of those geese instantly. And all in lifelike positions too.

Well, Lafe was in a hell of a fix. He'd promised his wife that she could sell those birds and use the money to pay for indoor plumbing in that old farmhouse of theirs and he sure did hate to disappoint her. If it hadn't been for that bus load of Florida-bound tourists from Minnesota that got snowed in over on the main highway, I don't know what he'd done.

Anyhow, after about three weeks of the worst weather we've ever seen in these parts, it became obvious that those tourists were never going to make it to Florida. And, besides, they'd kinda lost their enthusiasm for completin' the trip about the time they heard Walter Cronkite report that it was snowin' in Miami for the first time in recorded history.

That's when the tourists told their driver, "To hell with it. If the roads ever clear up, let's just turn around and go back to Minnesota. Sure wish we had some Florida souvenirs to take back with us though."

Well that got ole Lafe — who, as you know, has been called an opportunist on more than one occasion — to thinkin'. And bedanged if he didn't go out there in the pasture, gather up those geese, tie 'em all to stilts, dip em in pink paint ... and sell 'em to those tourists as flamingo statues to set out in their front yards when they got home. Cleared better'n $600 too. I just hope that bus is a long ways north when those birds finally thaw out.

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