American Humor: Evicting a Raccoon in the Attic

The last laugh column shares MOTHER EARTH NEWS reader submitted American humor with other MOTHER readers. This tale follows the adventures of a homeowner evicting a raccoon in the attic.

| April/May 1997

Last Laugh shares MOTHER EARTH NEWS reader submitted American humor with other readers. Joseph K. Novara shares his story of evicting a raccoon in the attic. 

Daddy, there's something scratching on my ceiling!" my seven-year-old daughter called from her bedroom.

I heard rodent-like digging and four-footed patter. Some kind of animal was in our attic. Squirrel, I figured, or maybe a raccoon. Since it was late, I took the easy way out and tapped the ceiling with a broom handle. We both listened to scurrying sounds toward the wall that the chimney ran through.

The next day I climbed on the roof to look for an entry point. The chimney was the only possibility. One of the three flues, I discovered, did not vent the furnace or fireplace. Instead it only went down about three feet and had a screened hole on the attic side.

The screen was torn, forming a critter revolving door. Well, I determined to fix that. I got pieces of wood, half bricks, and other debris to fill up the hole and block access to the vent without cutting off circulation to the attic.

Then I went to talk to my neighbor Kyle—92 years old, spry as a cricket and a voice like the late W .C. Fields.

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