Last Laugh: Garden Braggers

If you tell the truth once, they will never believe you again, no matter how much you lie.

| May/June 1984

Well sir, not everyone kin breed a prize foxhound, put themself through med-ee-cal school, or win a tellervision sweepstakes. And that's where gardenin' comes in. You see, people may tell you they grow all them vegetables and flowers because they love the beauty of green livin' things . . . savor the savin's at the supermarket . . . or go for the sweet, full flavor of homegrown produce. But jist get more'n one of those backyard bean pickers in one room an' listen to 'em for a minute to hear the kinds of things they say to each other:

"What? You don't have any ripe tomatoes yet?"

"I'm goin' to have to stop freezing corn or buy a new freezer, one or t'other."

"You know, I kinda hated to cut into that lovely 32-pound watermelon we grew."

That's right, gardenin' gives 'em something to brag about! Now I admit, folks what raise good crops do deserve a little bit of opportunity for mouthing off. Tearing up that ground, hoeing out weeds, outfoxing insect prederters—it's all hard work. But that's precisely where the of reprobates of the Plumtree Crossing Truth an' Veracity League have it all over the ordinary achin'-backed weed puller. Those boys have pruned away all the nonessential tasks of gardenin' so's they can better appreciate its true purpose.

Take the other day, for instance. Last Saturday was one of them warm, dry, sunshine days . . . perfect for toiling away in the vegetable patch. An' sure enough, whilst all ordinary vegetable growers were workin' up sweats sowing rows of Greasy Cut Short green beans or haulin' loads of fresh manure from farmers' feedlots (and payin' fer the privilege!), the members of Plumtree's Greater Civic Horticultural League was all stretched out on the front porch of the General Store, enjoyin' the warm sunshine the way it was meant to be enjoyed, an' doin' their own special brand of low-labor gardenin'.

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