The Birthday Run 2013

| 1/14/2013 3:47:42 PM

It had rained the day before my birthday, and the rain clouds blew away with the strong winds. Everything was new and wet, cold and fresh. In the morning, I went to my special spot in the Arroyo Seco to do my annual birthday run – dressed in running shoes, regular pants and sweatshirt, I carried my little notebook and pen in my pocket. Simple. Just run, I told myself. Get to the point of remembering.

The birthday run is all about remembering, turning back the clock to year one and running a lap for each year, and letting the memories flow.

I felt a tingle of anticipation as I drove to the arroyo, and walked to the run site. No one else was there, which was better, because it allowed me to focus on my inner mind and inner seeing.

As I began my first year, a new memory emerged that wasn’t there in previous years (I’ve done this annual run for about the last 30 years). I became aware that a process exists whereby I was being “fitted” for a life, with a particular family, at that particular time, in that particular town. I’d presumed that this would be the life that I earned for myself, and I recall at the earliest age, expecting greatness. I was born expecting complete honesty and honorability from those others around me, and I remember that I expected this absolute honesty to be a very normal and natural thing in this world into which I was born. I assumed that everyone would work hard to aspire to greatness, that it was just the way this world flowed.

This memory helped me explain why I cried so much as an infant, and why my parents thought I was autistic. It was as if I knew of a world where greatness, and beauty, and grandeur, and cooperation, and goodness for the sake of goodness were normal.

But something was very wrong. I was obviously not in the world which I expected for myself.

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