If Vegetables Were Sexy

| 3/19/2018 9:46:00 AM

baby bok choys

Come on baby bok choy, time to claim the stage!   

If vegetables were sexy, we’d find them everywhere.  On magazine covers while waiting in line at the checkout, on billboards along the highway, on TV commercials at primetime. There’d be fierce sports teams like “The Raging Rutabagas” or “Leek Lightnings” making news headlines.  You can imagine what the fans would wear on jerseys and heads while they chanted “Bring on the String-beans, bring on the String-beans!”

On the clinic waiting room TV, there’d be the elegant lady dangling her succulently orange and alluring carrots from her graceful fingers, taking a crunchy bite for emphasis.  “You thought it was about the little black dress?  Well, wait until you bring on the relish tray.  Nothing adds that subtle suggestion like the crispy dip-and-snap of that veggie platter you made, just in case…”

If vegetables were sexy, there’d be that buff guy, (shirtless?) pumping butternut squash as part of his body building routine.  “You thought your workout was complete with those irons?  You haven’t tried Veggie Power!  [add some robust, low music] Veggie Power is the only structured routine that will get you that manly look you’ve always wanted.  Call now to…”

Walking out of the grocery store with those nearly transparent plastic bags, bulging with cucumbers and eggplant would be like the new catwalk.  The jaunty attitude, the slight swing added to the bags with each step, begging, “See, look at me, I’m all in on this vegetable thing.  It goes so well with my new wardrobe.”

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