The Last Laugh: Ants in the Kitchen

The lengths some people must go to dispell ants in the kitchen is no laughing matter.

| February/March 1999

If you've never had ants in the kitchen, it's only a matter of time. People have fed ants such an assortment of delicacies and condiments over the year that they have developed very educated taste buds.

We should stop encouraging them. We should remember that ants are fickle.

Just the other day, I visited friends and I could barely reach the doorbell because they had an inch-wide trail of pepper before the door that was supposed to keep ants away.

Whatever happened to doormats that say, "Welcome"?

I'm not sure, because I didn't have my glasses on, but I think the ants marching around held little placards saying they were going to call in reinforcements from an ant colony with a pepper culture that would eat right through it. Or maybe they said they were negotiating for the pepper to be topped with pork rinds.

It doesn't matter. When ants start carrying signs you know they're serious.

One man I know unloads a box of kosher salt around his sink. He says kosher salt reminds the ants of mountain climbing, and apparently most of them are into it in a big way, because they keep climbing up and down over the chunks and leave his food alone.

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