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10 Great Quotations: Wise and Witty Words

Among the many quotations that I’ve compiled over the years, I think that these are some of the most witty, wry, and clever. If you enjoy them, share them with others. And please add your favorite funny quotations in the Comments below! 

“The trouble with the rat race is that, even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
- Lily Tomlin

“I always wondered why somebody doesn’t do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.”
- Lily Tomlin

“Always do right. That will gratify some of the people and astonish the rest.”
- Mark Twain

“... Urban friends ask me how I can stand living here, ‘so far from everything?’  When I hear this question over the phone, I’m usually looking out the window at a forest, a running creek, and a vegetable garden, thinking: Define everything.”
- Barbara Kingsolver (from her book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life)

“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.”
- Ingrid Bergman

“For every problem there is a solution that is simple, clean, and wrong.”
- Henry Louis Mencken

“Things should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.”
- Albert Einstein

“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.”
- Albert Einstein

“Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.”
- Edward Abbey

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.”
- Woody Allen

For more quotations, see my compilation at

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Miriam Landman is an accomplished writer, editor, and sustainability advisor with expertise in green living, green building, and sustainable communities. For daily links to sustainable solutions and success stories, see her Facebook page for The Green Spotlight.