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Dean Martin popularized the song “You’re nobody till somebody loves you…” but the truth of it is the singer had it all wrong.
Someone loving you doesn’t matter that much. There are all kinds of tortured souls that can love even the most pathetic human beings.
Truthfully, the song should have gone something like this: “You’re nobody till somebody loves you…And that somebody needs to be you.”
Without self-love, love for others is insecure, jealous, possessive, and controlling.
For reasons too numerous to expound here, I grew up with little, if any, self-love. My parents were anything but loving. At times, they were destructive, even loathing. If they displayed so much loathing, how could I love myself?
As I grew older, however, I slowly learned to appreciate who I was. I gained control of the demons that plagued my life and that resulted in perpetual irritation and occasional anger.
As I pursued my journey of self-discovery and self-appreciation, I slowly but surely built a positive self-image. Over time, I began to respect,appreciate, and eventually love myself.
Building self-esteem and quieting the self-contemptuous inner voice, allowed me to slowly but surely feel worthy, worthwhile, valuable, and whole. Moreover, it permitted me to begin loving myself and appreciating all that I’d achieved and become. It was then that my personal relationships began to blossom. I no longer felt jealous, unlovable, and unworthy of love or kindness. It was then that I learned to give fully and without reservation to another.
What are your feelings toward yourself?
Are they neutral, positive, or negative?
If your feelings are neutral or destructively negative, if you feel contempt at some level for who you are, you may want to read my last blog and follow my advice on creating a list of the things you like about yourself, and studying it daily. It will help you slowly but surely build a positive self-image. It could help you learn to appreciate yourself and love yourself fully.
If you begin to focus on what is positive, you will begin to discover what a great person you are or are striving to be. You will slowly
discover why you are lovable and deserve love. You will slowly but surely be able to love others in a healthy way.
Chances are very likely you are much greater than you think you are.
So, take the time to discover all that’s positive in you.
Celebrate positive personal attributes.
Learn to love all that you are, not dwell on what you are not.
In so doing, you can build a new life, founded on self-love and love for others, a loving life..
And as I said, loving others will become easier.
It all boils down to this: focus on the positive in you and others. Revel in the positive. Celebrate the positive. You will build love -- for
yourself and others.
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Contributing editor Dan Chiras is a renewable energy and green homes expert who has spent a lifetime learning life’s lessons, which he shares in his popular blog, Dan Chiras on Loving Life. He’s the founder and director of The Evergreen Institute and president of Sustainable Systems Design. Contact him by visiting his website or finding him on Google+.