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Silence the Liar and Thief!

7/8/2012 9:18:00 PM

Tags: self help, focus on what is good, being positive, positive thinking, finding happiness, creating happiness, happiness, finding happiness, Dan Chiras

My son’s been going through a rough spell for the past two years. He’s struggling from poor self-image and extremely low self-esteem. Bottom line: he can’t seem to appreciate his many strengths. He’s so focused on the negative that it’s pulling him down, paralyzing him. 

Right now, he’s focusing on everything that’s gone wrong in his life. When he compares himself to his peers, he consistently falls short. 

Trouble is, the inner voice, that doubting Thomas that lives in all our brains, has taken control -- so much so that he can’t see or appreciate all the things he has achieved. Top on my list, he’s a loving, kind, and respectful son. He treats me and others with great kindness. His love for me is palpable. On a more personal level, goes out of his way to help me. When visiting me a few weeks ago, he helped cook and kept the kitchen clean – spotless! 

He is fun to talk with and is generally a great conversationalist -- a remarkable attribute in a 23-year-old male hominid. What is more, he’s got great insight into life and is a genuine deep thinker.  He understand more about life and living than I did at twice his age. 

He’s a good musician, too. He plays the drums, guitar, and piano, and can improvise at the piano with considerable skill.  

When he was in high school, he developed an interest in “muscle cars” like the Chevelle, Camaro, and GTO from the 1960s. He earned $7500 to purchase a Chevelle in which we put a new engine that we’d built. He read everything about cars and taught himself tons, so much so that he could hold down an intelligent conversation with just about anyone who knew cars. 

My list of accolades could go on, but let me focus on the lesson in all this.  First, I can sympathize with him. I spent a lot of years beating myself up for everything I wasn’t. A lot of us do.  

As I pointed out in a previous blog, the key to a happy and successful life is to focus on the positive, what we do well. Even the little things count like kindness, courtesy, trust worthiness, helpfulness, cheerfulness, thrift, and bravery.   

Shouldn’t the satisfactions of being a good person be enough to sustain us?  

Quell the negative messages, that dastardly inner voice that incessantly tries to drag you down.  It’s a liar and a thief!  It would have you believe the worst of you and robs you of the joy of being good at what you are good at – and appreciating yourself for all that is good in you. 

Let a new voice emerge, one that sees all that is good in you and all that you have to offer.  You'll be much happier if you do. 


Contributing editor Dan Chiras is a renewable energy and green homes expert who has spent a lifetime learning life’s lessons, which he shares in his popular blog, Dan Chiras on Loving Life. He’s the founder and director of The Evergreen Institute and president of Sustainable Systems Design. Contact him by visiting his website or finding him on .



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Post a comment below.

 

TIM NELIN
7/9/2012 2:09:29 PM
Boy, talk about dejavu! If only I hadn't started comparing myself to all those people that had more than me, had more brains than me, were better looking than me, and the list goes on. It doesn't matter who you are, there will always be those that have more, are smarter,look better, etc. If your standards are so high that they are impossible for you to meet, then the problem is not you, it's your standards. The best anyone can do is to become the best person you are capable of being! Abraham Lincoln was not a handsome man, Eleanor Roosevelt was not a beautiful woman. Einstein was dislexic in school. What they had that mattered was inside. What they had was the ability to use what they had, and we all have talent and understanding of things that will cause us to rise above our fears and doubts.










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