I’m on the downhill slope of life — so to speak. Sixty-three and counting. Heading for retirement. Slowing down.

Really!? Well, no!! I am 63, but I get a burst of energy every time I contemplate retirement, or semi-retirement, in about three years. Right now, most of my time and creative energy are taken up here at work. I really like my job, but I’m most creative and energized in the morning, and mornings (and afternoons) I’m at my desk working on magazine articles and answering reader e-mail questions. Evening is my low-energy time when I might weed the garden or do a load of laundry, but I wouldn’t start a new family scrapbook or plan a holiday get together then. Those tasks wait for Saturday morning, or — retirement! I have a lifetime of ideas that haven’t seen the light of day, and I’m determined that those ideas will be brought to life during my retirement years.

But how does one start the projects that have languished on the back shelf, waiting to be remembered, waiting to be rediscovered, waiting to be given life? A few years ago, in the summer of 1992 to be exact, I took a class in Future Imaging as part of a Master’s in Community Leadership course at Regis University, Denver, Colo. We were to imagine where we would be in 10 years and draw a picture of what that future looked like. But how to get to the 10-year goal was the process we learned. Here is a summary of that process: Write down where you want to be in 10 years. Next establish where you need to be in 5 years to get to your 10-year goal; then do the same for two years and one year. Last, identify what step you should take today to start.

I was living in Phoenix when I did this future imaging. My goal for 10 years out was to live in a log cabin with pine trees in the background, a little creek in the front and a large grassy meadow. When the opportunity came to make the move, I knew what I wanted it to look like! Two years later, I was living in a log house, heated with firewood, watching horses prance in the 40-acre meadow. Of course, there is always an element of luck — the fact that this perfect place was for sale while I was property hunting was not under my control!!

But what does this have to do with retirement, you might be wondering? Everything! It is never too early or late to set your sights on a dream and plan how you will get there. Here are two examples, one from a 20-something, Vermont homesteader (scroll down to “before it all”) and the other about an 84-year-old woman who bicycles 150 miles to support multiple sclerosis research. They both are passionate about what they do and each had experiences that launched them into their current situations.

I think that is the trick to having a full life — at 24, 44 or 84 — to identify the passion, identify the steps necessary to be successful and then be ready to recognize the opportunity when it comes along or you create it; and be ready to act on it. Of course, not all dreams last a lifetime — I spent 5 years on the farm and then decided living on a dead-end dirt road, 40 miles from my job, was not where I wanted to spend the rest of my life. But I will always value the experiences I had, the skills I developed and the friends who supported my efforts while I was there.

Do I wish I had done this when I was 30 with my husband and two kids? Hmmmm … no! It was my dream to live in the “Little House in the Big Woods,” not theirs. Now, I’m making lists and planning for the future. Once I’ve prioritized the list, I’ll make a new 10-year plan. And what is my first step, today? Reminding myself that life isn’t over until it’s over!

When I graduated from Kutztown in 2005, my first post-college job was in Knoxville, Tenn. I moved there by myself to work for a television network's website. I rented the bottom floor of an old boarding house in a historic district called Fourth & Gill. This was my old bedroom in said apartment. I laughed when I came across this photo because I'm pretty sure that old place could fit two of my present cabins inside it. Maybe three. It feels like ages ago. A past life.

This picture was taken the day I brought Jazz home, which was in July of that same summer. I was alone two weeks in the world before I adopted him. They were an awful two weeks. Women of a certain disposition should not be alone in a new city without a good dog. They feel awkward and pointless without a leash in their hands in public — but give them a large, kind dog and they are sirens. They can get by without a good man just fine, but never without a good dog.

I am of that disposition.

I look at this picture and can't help but smile, tilt my head, and raise an eyebrow. Back then all I wanted was to be a designer. I wanted a board position in my AIGA chapter. I wanted to be out in Market Square with my dog. Jazz, by the way, was never intended to be on snow. He was a southern city pet. Sure, he might pack in the Cumberlands with me, but he wasn't going to be a sled dog ...

Little did I know 18 months later I'd be in a farmhouse in Northern Idaho with him, another Siberian, and a sled parked in the garage. That all happened because of a cove in the Smoky Mountains, a night with fireflies at an abandoned camp, and a jump from a waterfall where a young man died the following day. Those are all separate and complicated stories, but they are why I'm writing you from a small cabin in a New England hollow. They are the alchemy that created the hope you know as Cold Antler Farm. (Which, if you're new to this blog, hasn't actually happened yet. Welcome to the ride.)

Life can change fast. It doesn't really change any other way.

Anyway, I thought this snapshot from a past life might give some comfort to those of you who dream of goats and chickens and a cabin in the woods but are presently sifting through take-out menus in your current metropolis. Please remember, It was just a few years ago I had one dog in a city apartment. Now I'm in this beautiful mess.

Tomorrow I'll visit a brewery and probably come home wanting to make my own beer. Sunday, Steve and I are going to slaughter an angry rooster I raised out of the palm of my hand. Right now I'm going to go outside and close the coop door before the rain comes. If you wish you too were closing a coop door you can take a deep breath and rest easy tonight. I promise if it's something you really want — it'll happen. You'll find a way because you must. And when it does happen, be ready — because it'll come fast. Life doesn't happen any other way. At least not the parts worth living.

Read more from Jenna at Cold Antler Farm

Photo by Jenna Woginrich

Each winter at Nature’s Hatchery, our customer service staff gets calls from concerned poultry owners who are looking for tips and guidelines on how to successfully keep their poultry through the winter. Although there many questions and concerns, we offer the following advice to cover some of the most frequently asked questions, and help folks tide their birds over until spring production begins.

Winter, although it can be harsh at times, especially in certain parts of the country, should not be detrimental if your flock is prepared and properly monitored. Birds already prepare themselves by cutting back on production, molting (getting in new feathers) and increasing feed consumption. As long as you do your part, your poultry should be just fine.

The general guidelines and specific pointers below are primarily for first-time poultry owners. These pointers contain several little-known facts, recently confirmed by science, about feeding and supplementing your birds with necessary nutrients. While the main part of this information will be most relevant to backyard poultry owners who have small- to medium-sized flocks, the principles laid out here apply whether you have one bird or hundreds.

Starting a Flock

Different age groups of poultry have unique requirements and abilities to survive cold weather. Day-old chicks are the most fragile. One of the most important things to remember when starting a flock in the winter is that the information most hatcheries and books give is often confined to raising chicks in warmer weather. In addition to the guidelines suggested, precautions must be taken for power outages, extreme weather and unexpected circumstances that can arise during the winter. Something minor in warm months, such as a heat lamp failing, could quickly affect your whole flock in colder weather, making it necessary to start over.

We recommend starting with a minimum of two heat lamps for any number of birds. Red-tinted, 250-watt bulbs are best as they produce the most heat but reduce brightness, so they’re not as hard on the chicks’ eyes. A good rule of thumb is to use one heat bulb per thirty chicks, keeping in mind that a backup bulb must always be burning as well, to make up for the occasional failure of a bulb. You can wean the chicks off heat easily by elevating the heat lamps a few inches per week, reducing the temperature by 5 degrees Fahrenheit until the birds are comfortable with the temperature outside. Make the transition over a 10-week period, and the birds should be ready to range outdoors.

Another important thing to remember is to check on the birds as often as possible, with a recommended minimum of three times per day. If birds are cheeping loudly, or huddling in groups, they are most likely too cold. Chicks that remain in the same place or are lethargic usually need immediate care. Try feeding them warm water and placing them under the heat bulbs. Damp or wet patches of bedding should be replaced with new material daily. We have found straw to be the best bedding material. It retains and radiates heat from the bulbs, and can’t be eaten by the chicks.

One of the most important factors in winter brooding is the power supply. A covered brooder is ideal, as it holds the heat in longer than other types if the electricity goes out. But because power failures often occur at night, even a covered brooder couldn’t retain heat for more than a few minutes. One of the best products we have available to help this situation is a unit that plugs into a wall outlet and activates an alarm when the power is off for more than a few seconds. This doesn’t replace checking your brooder or incubator at night, but it’s helpful.

If chicks chill, they often get a condition called “pasting” during which their vents (anuses) becomes blocked with droppings. If caught early enough, you can prevent the chicks from dying by slowly and gently removing the blockage with the help of warm water. This condition can also suggest insufficient water consumption or supply.

Eliminating drafts is another key to success in winter brooding. The best method to prevent drafts is by using a brooder fence (cardboard) two feet or higher. To check for drafts, simply observe the general placement of chicks in the brooder. If they group on one side, you will need to eliminate the drafts coming from the opposite side. Chicks will grow faster and be healthier without drafts.

General Guidelines for Winter Brooding

• Before your shipment of chicks arrives, preheat your brooder for a day, and use only warm or room temperature water for the chicks’ first drink. Cold water can be a shock to their systems (as is the minor stress of shipping) and should be avoided.
• Add Karo syrup or sugar to the water to give the chicks an additional boost and to perk up any droopy chicks. The ratio should be one part sugar, three parts water for waterfowl, and one part sugar, two parts water for chicks.
• Do not raise chicks in outbuildings during the winter, especially for the first four weeks, unless they’ll be kept in a room heated above 70 degrees. Raising chicks outside greatly increases the odds of something going wrong. After their fourth week, they can be moved to a brooder in an outbuilding. They’re past their danger point and have begun their growing stage.
• Do not allow the birds out of their brooder until they’re fully feathered, with no down visible, or are eight to 10 weeks old. If they’re let out, they will need to put all of their energy into growing feathers, rather than growing in size.

Winter Tips for Older Poultry (12 Weeks and Older)

After your birds are 12 weeks old, you should have no further problems relocating them to their permanent coop. At this stage, they should be fully feathered and will look like mature birds, although they may be only half their final size and weight. You can check on these birds as often as you like, but after they have reached this hardy stage, more than two or three times per day shouldn’t be necessary.

You may want to give your birds warm water periodically. Chickens and smaller birds, such as quail, are particularly fond of warm water in cold weather. This is understandable, because it helps them keep warm without using up energy reserves in the process. Water supply is important to successfully raising poultry, especially in winter. If you have access to electricity in your coop, we recommend purchasing a heater or a heated waterer so your birds can enjoy an uninterrupted water supply (more on that later).

Another tip that we often give our customers is to feed scratch grains, especially corn, to their birds in this age group. This shouldn’t replace their regular feed, nor should scratch grains be used in excess, but they are an essential part of a good poultry owner’s feeding routine. We choose corn, because in the digestion process it produces more energy than other grains to keep the bird warm. It also converts into fats, which help insulate the bird against the cold. Chickens, and waterfowl especially, will produce better in the following year if they are slightly fattened the year before. Too much fattening can harm their productivity, but if you keep their weight at 5 to 8 percent more than their normal state in the winter, it can pay off in the number of eggs collected the following spring.

In autumn, check your coop to ensure that it is free of drafts. Fill any cracks and reduce ventilation be to hold heat. Because predators are more likely to view your flock as an easy food source during the winter, make sure that your coop has raccoon-proof latches and all holes are sealed. Weasels and rodents can fit through amazingly small openings!

It’s a good idea to change the bedding in your coop regularly, to prevent accumulation of damp or wet material, which can not only freeze and cause frostbite, but it is unhealthy for the poultry and can be a stress on their immune system. A good cleanout schedule would include at least two short cleanouts per week. (Or consider a deep litter system as an alternative. — MOTHER.)

Because birds that are bred for production never completely stop laying through the winter, keep an eye on the nests during your daily checks. Eggs do not freeze quickly, but to prevent cracking, it’s best to collect them two or three times per day. Keeping your coop lights on for 15-16 hours each day will encourage hens to lay. Following the schedule you choose is crucial. Even a delay of 20 or 30 minutes can affect the birds. Most folks who use this system often employ a simple lamp or appliance timer to keep the schedule accurate. Lighting doesn’t have to be bright, but it shouldn’t be noticeably dim. A 100-watt incandescent bulb or equivalent per 800 square feet is usually sufficient.

Troubleshooting Cold-weather Poultry Problems

Here are a few extra pointers to help prevent common obstacles to successfully keeping poultry through the winter.

Freezing Conditions

A key aspect of raising poultry through the winter is to provide a constant supply of fresh water. Because most folks would rather avoid having to thaw the ice on the waterer several times per day for their birds, heated waterers are becoming popular. Many products are available, but we feel that one of the most versatile is our submersible water warmer. This unit can be used in pans of water, or under your existing waterer, to keep your birds with an uninterrupted supply. If you don’t use a heater, or if you do not have electricity in your coop, ensure that your birds have access to unfrozen water several times per day. Birds should not be left without water for more than a couple of hours at a time.

Frostbite

Frostbite is another common winter issue. Check your birds frequently. Frostbite commonly affects combs in chickens and feet in waterfowl, and can be avoided by keeping bedding clean and dry. The best type of bedding for cold weather is straw, as it holds heat better than any other material.

Contact with snow and ice can contribute to frostbitten feet — if your poultry can’t get away from it. You can solve this by maintaining a spot in your poultry yard covered with at least two inches of straw, large enough for all of your birds to fit comfortably at the same time. This will insulate their feet and provide an escape from the frozen areas.

Chickens’ combs often become frostbitten due to wind chill, rather than ambient temperature. Thaw the affected area with cold water, slowly warming it to room temperature. Then apply a coating of petroleum jelly to isolate it from direct contact with the cold. This treatment may need to be reapplied periodically, but it is usually invaluable, especially for quality show birds. Alternatively, you could hang a radiant or halogen poultry heater just above their head level and they will spend time under it, preventing the need for more involved care. If you are not able to locate any of these heater models, we carry a variety of options that have been tested and work best for us. Coop heaters come in several types, which primarily include hanging and floor models. The types we recommend usually radiate heat downward, but we also make floor heaters that radiate heat outward. These are especially handy for folks with limited headroom in their coops.

Predators

Shortage of food supply causes an increase in predation during the winter months. Losses to predators, such as hawks, raccoons and coyotes, are preventable — as long as a few of their basic behavior patterns are understood, they can easily be thwarted by a little forethought and preparation.

Raccoons are one of the most common predators. They are nocturnal, and can be the worst of the proverbial “fox in the henhouse,” sometimes killing, seemingly for sport, the majority of a flock in a single night. They normally work to gain access to your coop, rather than finding and enlarging a hole. They will remove loose boards or roof shingles, open simple latches (such as hook and eye) and reach through small holes to gain access to your coop. They have been known to be strong enough to tear chicken wire, and similar deterrents usually do not stop them. The best way to handle a raccoon problem is to secure the poultry housing and to be present if they begin to target your coop. Trapping can be effective.

Weasels and minks are harder to stop. They can fit into small openings and are hard to deter. Like raccoons, they usually kill in nighttime rampages that seem more for sport than food. But these creatures are relatively rare and often too timid to come near civilization.

Coyotes are easier to keep out due to their size and limitations. Simple fences will often take care of this problem, although they can burrow under them. A line of electrified wire near the top and bottom of the fence will keep them from digging or jumping over your fences. Coyotes work in groups or alone at any time of the day or night, and are capable of capturing birds as large as turkeys. Simple prevention in the fall will eliminate these predators for the rest of the year.

Hawks aren’t limited by fences and normally do not try to gain access to the coop. Most often, they snatch birds in daylight while foraging. There is really no better way to protect your birds from these aerial predators than to raise geese with them, or to set up bird netting on the tops of your pens. Hawks usually take only one bird at a time and leave only feathers behind as evidence.

There are many products on the market designed to deter these predators. One of the most effective for night predators is the Sentry, a motion activated LED light that senses predators from a distance and flashes on for a few seconds, often scaring them away permanently.

If you are not sure which type of predators you have in your area, check the tracks around your place or use a field guide to determine the source of the problem and the best course of action. Local water sources are a good place to look for tracks.

General guidelines and summary

Even though most backyard flocks are commonly out in harsh conditions during the winter, they are quite hardy and, if cared for properly, will make it through without any difficulty, resuming production in the spring.

Rats and mice may be your biggest problems. Not only do they carry disease, but they invariably leave contaminated droppings that eventually wind up in your bird’s diets after they get into the feed. It’s best to store feed in metal containers, such as new trash cans, to keep mice and other critters out. Feed left in bags unprotected will most certainly be taken advantage of by populations of smaller rodents. Wooden or plastic containers usually keep these pests out for only a short time.

Occasionally putting a vitamin-electrolyte supplement in water can help keep your poultry healthy. Even commercially prepared feeds cannot replace the green forage available in warmer months, and supplements help temporarily restore the natural balance. In conjunction with the fattening mentioned above, this type of feed program will usually ensure top productivity — as soon as spring comes again. We can’t too strongly emphasize the basic principles of proper feeding and monitoring during the winter. In warm months, birds can take care of themselves to a greater degree, but the cold season in many areas is a time of survival for poultry. If you are aiming for top production and healthy birds, taking care of them properly will reduce problems in the future.

An important aspect of this is to give your birds appropriate (broiler, production, or maintenance) feed that is full strength — no scratch grain added. Scratch feeds can be used as outlined above, but it cannot replace the proper feed schedule. If your feed store does not have a good variety of feeds, you should provide unmedicated feed to your birds and feed only the appropriate rations to certain groups. For example, chicks should get chick starter or broiler feed up to their twelfth week, ducklings should be started on a waterfowl starter-grower or broiler feed until their sixth month, and birds that are laying or past their sixth month should get either a layer feed or breeder ration. Mature birds can be put on a maintenance ration through the winter.

Check on your birds to observe any inconsistencies or irregularities. If you listen to your birds, you should not hear heavy breathing, wheezing or coughing. Limping birds should be isolated until they are ready to go back with the rest of your flock. Ideally, keep a notebook handy to jot notes and keep records of feed consumption, weights, water shortages and miscellaneous occurrences. The more accurate and complete your notes are, the better you will be able to foresee problems the next time.

If your birds become ill, your local county agricultural extentionists usually have great information. They often give advice that is just as good as a vet’s, and will know when to refer you to one.

Winter illnesses are rarely significant but can become problematic if left unattended. The standard procedures for treatment of illness include quarantining the bird and using a broad-spectrum antibiotic, such as Terramycin, in feed or water, depending on which type of antibiotic you have. But this is only necessary when simply warming the affected bird is not sufficient to restore its normal hardy nature.

Winter should not be a problem for your flock, but rather a steppingstone to the following year! Just don’t forget to check on the birds!

You want to go into business, but no one is willing to loan the upfront capitol necessary for your full-scale business plan. What do you do!? In an online excerpt from its upcoming book, The Wall Street Journal Complete Small Business Guide, the Wall Street Journal suggests you start small with your own capitol — an entrepreneurial approach called bootstrapping — and then slowly build the business to a place where investors see the its potential. Another option, once the business has grown in size, is to skip outside investors all together, put the company’s profits back into the company, and retain full control over your business.

Home-based businesses are not just about childcare and craft sales. With the Internet at your fingertips, you can make, market and sell any product or service you can think up, and do it all from your garage, basement or home office. For decades Mother Earth News readers have bootstrapped their home-based businesses, turning dreams into successful business opportunities. Are you one of the folks who has developed a bootstrap home-based business or do you have plans to start one in the near future? If so, tell us your story in the comments section, below.

We’ve completed the Community Chickens projects for 2009. It’s been a great experience to test incubators, feed and equipment. We’ve had fun hatching a variety of eggs and raising all sorts of poultry.

Here’s a quick overview of some of the things I’ve learned throughout the process:

Shipping hatching eggs significantly reduces the hatch rate, but it’s still a great way to get the type of birds you want. (What to Expect When Purchasing Shipped Hatching Eggs).

Storing eggs reduces the number of chicks that will hatch from them. (How to Improve Hatch Rates and Tips on Hatching Eggs and Starting Baby Chicks from an Expert)

Using incubators that frequently turn eggs and precisely control temperate and humidity improve hatch rates significantly. (Improve Hatch Rates with the Right Incubator and Incubating Duck Eggs Successfully)

Using broody hens to raise a few chicks is a great idea — but you have to work in the dark to make things work smoothly. (Using a Foster Broody Hen to Raise Chicks)

Even if you don’t have room for chickens, quails are lots of fun, and productive egg layers. (Keeping Quails: Newly Hatched Baby Quails and Keeping Quails: Gender Differentiation)

Sharing the experience of processing meat birds fosters a sense of community and encourages reflection in ways you might not expect. (Processing Broiler Chickens and Chicken Processing at Home Reinforces Feelings for Processing Meat Myself)

We’ll continue to share what we’re learning about poultry and community in future blogs here and on Grit.com.

We’ve said before that our magazine specializes in both the here-and-now and the later-and-wow. With no limitations, what would your ideal future homestead look like? What would you grow? What animals would grace your pastures? Close your eyes, plan it out, and tell us all about it. If you are lucky enough to be living your dream, go ahead and brag about it!  

I’ve been using a small backyard chicken coop, the Back Porch Chicken Coop from GardenEggs.com, for the last several months. It’s housed a cockerel and three pullets that aren’t quite old enough to be laying eggs yet. The bottom of this backyard chicken coop is wire mesh to allow in fresh air. The mesh pattern isn’t quite large enough for droppings to fall through. Adding some wood chips or other bedding makes cleanout easier.

I’ve also used this portable chicken coop to hold two broody hens until they accepted some broiler chicks. (Read Using a Foster Broody Hen to Raise Chicks.) In this situation, I lined the bottom of the coop with feed bags and covered the bags with wood chips. The hens fit nicely behind the roost, so you could easily build a nest into one corner if you want to keep a few laying hens in this coop.

This small chicken coop is light enough to be moved easily by two people, though it’s not on wheels, and the design concept is simple. If you allow your hens to range during the day, this is a nice little coop for keeping them safe and dry at night.

Photos by Troy Griepentrog

I'm trying something new: starting a "grass-fed eggs" movement as a way of promoting great-tasting eggs from happy outdoor hens. People have become cynical about the term "free-range," which often doesn't mean what people want it to mean. Everyone wants free-range eggs to be eggs from happy outdoor hens who have something better than a barren yard to forage around in, but that's not what they get. So I'm hoping my as-yet unsullied "grass-fed eggs" term will fare a little better.

You probably already know that grass-fed eggs are the best-tasting eggs ever, have superior nutrition and are environmentally friendly. And the flocks are way more picturesque, aesthetically pleasing and fun than the alternatives. But lots of people don't know this yet! It's an easy sell, though. We just have to spread the word.

I picked the term "grass-fed eggs" because it doesn't quite make sense — eggs don't eat grass, or anything else, for that matter. So when people see the term, they have to ask about it. (Of course, it's the hens that eat the grass, not the eggs.) The cartoon was chosen for the same reasons: to evoke the idea of happy outdoor eggs (or maybe chickens) in a way that has some appeal, but which still makes people ask the question.

Once they ask the question, we can pony up the answers without boring them. Much better than button-holing people and talking to them about eggs when they haven't asked!

I don't like rigid definitions, so my take on grass-fed eggs is that the ideal is "great-tasting eggs from happy outdoor chickens who get lots of fresh green plants to eat." But mostly the key is to acknowledge the ideal, while doing the best you can under the circumstances. It's hard to have grass-fed eggs or happy outdoor chickens when there's 6 feet of snow on the ground. It's hard to have free-range hens in a suburban backyard. Do the best you can, and don't let people tell you that your approach isn't pure enough.

This is also my answer to the supply-and-demand problem. Hardly anyone is making a living from growing grass-fed eggs, so consumers need to hook up with people who are doing it as a sideline — or raise a few hens of their own. The small scale of most operations blurs the difference between consumers and producers: many people have hens some of the time, but not always. So this is not a consumer movement or a producer movement, but a "people who like grass-fed eggs and happy outdoor chickens" movement.

One of these days, someone will figure out a business model that allows people of ordinary ability to make a living at grass-fed egg farming. When that happens, the eggs will become a lot easier to find in stores. But that hasn't happened yet. Not even close. I certainly haven't quit my day job! So let's start with the problem in front of us: popularizing the notion and hooking up consumers and producers. With enough demand, commerce on a larger scale will follow.

To help get the ball rolling, I've ponied up three sets of resources:

• A website at http://www.grass-fed-eggs.com. This is the clearinghouse of information that's coming from me. It's still sort of skeletal, but check it out anyway.
  
• A discussion group at Google Groups. This is the clearinghouse of information from everybody who cares about grass-fed eggs: producers and consumers. Topics will include how to find grass-fed eggs, how to sell them, backyard housing, predator control, dealing with neighbors who don't like chickens, and so on. Post your questions here!
  
• A line of Grass-Fed Egg merchandise. As I already mentioned, when someone sees your "I Heart Grass-Fed Eggs" T-shirt, shopping tote or mouse pad, they'll ask you about it. This gives you the chance to give them your spiel and maybe press some eggs into their hands to ensure their conversion. It's also a good way for people who are already sold on the concept to identify each other. We're pretty scattered!
  Anyway, check out the website, the discussion group and the goodies. I'm hoping we can change the world one egg at a time, with a totally grass-roots, non-hierarchical movement. I expect it to be great fun.

I've been hurt by this farm. Really hurt. I've been bitten, butted, cut, scarred, and brought to tears from pain, stress and exhaustion. This happens over and over and I'm always alone. There are things I won't blog about because I don't want my mother to worry. There are things that happen that terrify me.

This year was the hardest yet. I planted my largest garden ever, raised the most animals, and took on more work and personal projects than any sane human being should. Now that the year is almost over, and the south side of October is days away, I can let out a long sigh and tell you it was all worth it. I found a balance in it all, kept my blinders on, and everything got done. The garden was tilled, weeded, and harvested. The two-week-old goat kid grew up into a spit-fire. The young birds are almost full-sized chickens now and the rabbit doe is due to bear kits any night. Yes, the hive was lost. And yes, I failed the sheepdog I once called my own, but you'll have this from time to time. And you and I don't have enough nights to list my faults. There are many, some are awful. Trust me.

If you read this blog and find it overly positive, dramatic, or analytical: that's because writing about my choices is my daily therapy. I don't see a shrink—I write to 40,000. Sharing my stories and photos on this blog is like a long exhalation. I depend on the people who read this because in the shower I lose count of the cuts and bruises and I want to know they belong to something bigger than my body. All things considered, I am quite small.

Some nights I barely fall asleep, isomniatic from worrying about the delicate balance that is my work life, family life and farm life. I am so grateful for Jazz, my old dog, who looks at me every day like the wise bodhisattva that he is and I will never be. A good dog can walk up to you, slowly, one paw in front of the other, and sit down next to you with great stillness. I feel him lean into me and I realize I'm not the only animal on this farm. I am never alone and it is bigger than us both. He rests and lets me scratch behind his ears and only when he knows I understand the world again, pads off. Jazz isn't my child and he isn't my pet either. He's a good dog. Nothing more.

For quite some time now, people without dogs seem broken to me.

I am a farmer without a farm, a shepherd without a sheepdog, and in love with this big, stupid world without a lover. That's fine. Sometimes I foolishly think everything would be better if I had a mortgage, a collie, and a man. But I know myself well enough to see the idiocy in such black-and-white thinking. I know better. We all know better. Maybe these things will come or maybe I'll be hit by space trash tomorrow. It really doesn't matter. It's the wanting that fuels us. It's the hope. That desire to attain the life you want, whatever it is, and to fold your ears back and run into the wind like you're in harness—is life. Cold Antler farm isn't a place—it is an idea. Knowing I want it means I am already home. Actually getting there, is moot.

Read more from Jenna at Cold Antler Farm 

Photo by JOANNA CHATTMAN