WINTER HORSE SCENTS

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by Joe Novara

Grandpa, why do you need a 100-channel satellite dish if you only keep it tuned to the weather? I asked, staring at the TV perched on his refrigerator.

"Are you kidding? That's how I know how much to eat."

My grandfather's answer had something to do with horses. I knew it did. It always did. He has bred and raised horses all his life and somehow he thinks they hold the secret to healthy living.

"You might be in veterinary school, honey, but you can still learn more from watching horses than reading books about them."

"I'm sure you know more about horses than I ever will. Grandad. But I still don't see the correlation between the Weather Channel and your eating habits ."

"Why,. when it gets colder a horse will naturally eat more to keep its body heat up. "

"That's true. The other day in class we learned that for every degree drop in temperature below 15°F, a horse needs 0.7% more feed, and that's not counting windchill factor and wetness."

"Well, see now, I guess they're teaching you something up there in school."

"But they recommend roughage for the fermentation heat it generates in the gut. And I don't see any hay bales around here," I sarcastically remarked as I picked a Ding-Dong wrapper off the floor.

"Now don't get saucy with me, sweetie," Grandpa warned. "That's why I need the Weather Channel. So I can plan my shopping. Don't like to get caught short, like a couple of weeks ago when that arctic jet stream blew in and I ate everything in the house in one day. I like to stock up on rolled oats and molasses and All-Bran."

"All-Bran?" I asked.

"A person needs some forage, too, you know. Nothing like a warm bran mash to heat up your innards."

"But that ain't hay."

"Well, you're right," Grandpa conceded. "I still can't find any way to eat hay. Although I did spend some time studying on shredded wheat. They look kinda like tiny bales of hay..."

"Gramps, there are other ways to keep warm - like using your potbelly stove."

"What? And fill the house with dry, stuffy air? Make a man sick, it would."

"So that's why you have the windows open when it's 20°F out?"

"A man needs clean air moving through - just like a horse. Alls you need do is add another coat as it gets colder and shed it when it gets warmer."

"Talk about shedding layers, Mom wanted me to invite you to join us in Florida for a couple of weeks."

"I been to the beach once. Took your mother and her brother. Don't need to go again."

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