LNS: JUST PIE.

(Page 2 of 2)

May/June 1971
 
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More dextrose. More sweets behind the sweets. Here's some sodium caseinate. Remember the word "casein"? You see it in glue and paints. This is something different, though. It's a dairy product as well, and not bad for you nutritionally. That's good.

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Now we come to an important part. Time to add the flavoring. This is what distinguishes our pies from other pies. It has a certain amount of flavor. That's good. Some gelatin to give that flavoring a little gush and make it stand tall and proud in the world of pies. Real gelatin.

Now we put some whole milk solids, also a very wonderful natural dairy item. That's good. Monosodium and diglyceride. This is an emulsifier to make it hang together. Hang together and stay sloppy in your tummy. Another dash of salt. Just a little. Just a dash, like snow. Isn't that pretty?

A taste of vinegar to give it that old tartness. But be careful you don't put too much vinegar in. If you do the kids will be turning their noses up at it, saying you make a vinegar pie, and you don't want to do that.

Polysorbate number sixty. Not fifty-eight or fifty-nine or sixty-one. If you have trouble finding this, your local organic chemical supply house will probably have a little for you. This is an emulsifier and it also retards spoilage. So many pies these days are spoiling right and left. This one doesn't spoil after you keep it for seven or eight months.

Here's some vanilla to counteract the vinegar and add a little more flavoring. That's fine. And our old friend monosodium phosphate. Can be found in laxatives and detergents. Cleans all kinds of tubes out and you'll have a clean pie. We'll just lay this in right here. You don't want to put in too much. Acts like Drano or something.

And what's a pie without a little artificial color? Just a couple drops. Not too much. You don't want it to clash with the walls or the curtains.

You may wonder what kind of pie we've made here. I'll show you exactly what kind of pie it is. There it is. A modern lemon cream pie. I'll open it for you. Get it out of the box. Good. Factory-fresh, factory approved. No lemons, no eggs, no cream. Just pie.

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