LISTENING TO WOOD

(Page 2 of 2)

April/May 2000
By Joe Novara 
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"Hi, there!" the woodworker shouted. At least he had an excuse for shouting over the rumble of his machines and dust collection system. "Chunk tells me you like to work with wood."

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"I do."

"Well, you're welcome to watch my operation if you want," the man invited in a friendly manner.

I nodded as he slipped something that looked like a jockstrap over his nose and a headset over his ears. Then he slid pieces of maple through one machine after another. He measured and sawed, sanded and routed, glued and stapled, moving from station to station until he lifted a finished cabinet door from the last machine, pulled off his mask and grinned like a magician waiting for applause.

"That sure is efficient," I said.

"That's the only way to turn a profit in this kind of business," the cabinetmaker explained, as he turned the piece over and over, admiring his work.

The wood on the door looked surprised and hard around the edges, like my wife after a perm.

"Anytime you need some help with a project, just come on in," the man suggested. "Be glad to give a hand."

"That's a kind offer," I replied, eyeing a piece of a birch warping and twisting its way out of the scrap barrel. "Do you mind if I take this?" I asked.

"Sure, help yourself."

"It reminds me of a story."

"Yeah?" The woodworker smiled. "What's the story?"

"This old man was out golfing. Shanked one into the rough. When he bent to pick up his ball, he noticed a frog. 'Hey, mister,' the frog said, 'I'm really a beautiful young woman under a spell. If you kiss me, I promise to satisfy your wildest desires.'

"The man slipped the frog into his pocket and tossed his ball hack onto the fairway.

"`Hey! Hey!' the frog shouted from deep in his jacket. 'I said I could satisfy your

'"I heard you,' the man said, 'but at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog."'

'`Cute," the carpenter said. "But, hey, you don't want that piece of scrap. Here, Let me get you a good piece."

"No, thanks," I replied. "I'd rather have a piece that talks to me."

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