The Jersey Joke

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"So you boys are trying to learn about Jersey? A lot of folks think New Jersey is nothing but dumps, gangsters and turnpikes. I once overheard a young man talking to a pretty lady in a bar. When he said, 'I'm from New Jersey,' she replied, 'Oh, really? Which exit?'

"But that, you see, is North Jersey. South Jersey's a whole different state. North Jersey gave us our state flower: the beer can. South Jersey's got a more rural heritage. We're home of the state bird: the mosquito. Fact is, folks round here always build their porch posts six feet apart—just to keep the mosquitoes out.

"Most of the locals here don't really mind mosquitoes. They say the bugs don't sting anymore—they just reuse the holes they've already bored. A lot of the old-timers don't even have screens on their doors. That's cause they're particular—they don't like breathing all that strained air.

"Air—now there's a difference between the two Jerseys. I knew a fellow once had to go to school up in North Jersey. He couldn't stomach all the polluted stench, so his folks mailed him an inflated car tire. Whenever that North Jersey smog got to be too much, he'd take a whiff out of that tire and revive himself.

"Most people don't know South Jersey exists—because they never get off the Turnpike. My dad still remembers the first highway they put in this half of the state. He was a little boy helping Granddad move cattle one day, when all of a sudden Granddad—who was up ahead quite a ways—started yelling, 'Come here! Come here quick!' Well, Dad switched the cow he was herding hard as he could, but Granddad just kept yelling. Dad pushed and pushed and pushed that cow. Finally he reached the top of the hill where Granddad was standing. The old man smacked him right on the shoulder. 'Darn it, you were too slow! A car just went by. Now you'll never get a chance to see one!' "

Editor's Note: Do you have a distinctive bit of regional American humor you think the Plumtree boys should hear on their travels? If so, send it to Last Laugh, MOTHER EARTH NEWS, P.0. Box 70, Hendersonville, NC 28793. We'll pay $10 for any joke we publish (that the fellas didn't know already!).

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