Feedback on positions & situations

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The following insights were gained as the result of events that followed the publication of an ad in MOTHER'S Positions and Situations section. Although I don't wish to give any details of my experience, I'd like to offer a few thoughts for the consideration of others who are getting together by correspondence over long distances.

It seems to me that the use of "contact" services such as P & S has created some novel social situations. We've all heard of "mail-order brides", of course, but in this case many more people are involved . . . with whole families and even communities meeting others from across the continent.

I've done some thinking about the consequences of such meetings, and—although the choice of words may be awkward—I like to describe the relationships thus formed as "inorganic" . . . as compared to the "organic" interactions of normal life.

Here's what I mean: People usually encounter one another by a natural coming together of some sort . . . in classrooms or bars, at dances, in the park. If they're mutually attracted for whatever reason, they can plan to meet again (and if not, the subject just doesn't come up). Each subsequent meeting then happens in a nonpressured way. There's no great need for those concerned to decide whether they're going to be friends forever, or whether they'll be able to flow together on all levels. They can just sit back, make overtures, see one another as often as they like, and gradually become close . . . or drift apart.

Meetings arranged through a contact service, however, are another matter entirely. The crucial difference is that the ads which lead to such encounters are normally placed because of need . . . in some cases urgent need, or there'd have been no resort to advertising in the first place. The notices that appear in P & S are there because the writers must have help on their homesteads, or hope to find land, or are looking for families to share their acreage . . . and whatever it is that such folks want, they very often want it right now. The degree of desperation can range from none to acute, but just the fact that an ad was placed imposes a degree of stress on advertiser and respondents that wouldn't operate in an organic relationship.

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