HELEN NEARING

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MEN: You mention in your book that you feel some fascination for determining how many years you might have left. There's a constant knowledge throughout that death is very close, but there's no mention of any fear. Doesn't the thought of death cause you any discomfort?

HN: I don't comprehend that at all. Ever since I was a child, I have been ready to go and interested in what went on beyond. People cling to life. I don't cling to life at all. This is pure illusion to me. I mean, there are trees and sunshine and the world is around, but this is a symbol of something much, much bigger. The world has beauty and wonder, but it doesn't really enthrall me. I'm ready to get to something more real than this.

If you hear that I went tomorrow, just say she went happily and interestedly. It's okay if I went tomorrow. In fact, it would be kind of nice if I went tomorrow. I look forward to it.

MEN: Neither you nor Scott really subscribed to any particular religious belief.

HN: No, we didn't go to church. I do believe that the world is here for a purpose though, and that we're here for a purpose, and that we can do something about it. We can mess it up or we can enhance it, and I'd like to enhance it if possible. But mankind can't possibly conceive what it's all about or what it's for. There is a benign purpose, and I would like to cooperate with it. Not much of a religion, but it's sufficient to try to live a good life.

MEN: It's sufficient for me.

HN: I don't need a god or a priest to tell me what to do. I think that's what amazed Mrs. Maria Von Trapp when she came up to visit us in Vermont many years ago. She said, "Here you are trying to live a good life without a priest to tell you what to do or who to turn to!"

MEN: She found that...

HN: Very disturbing. Couldn't quite get over that. Yes, she tried to convert us to Catholicism. You would have been amused to hear that conversation.

MEN: So priests are out. What about doctors?

HN: I don't know when or if I've ever had a complete checkup. I mean, I just feel okay. Why go to a doctor? When Scott was still around; it must be about twenty years ago. A doctor came by the farm. Scott was working with a wheelbarrow and I was doing some heavy work. He said to his wife, "Do you know the age of these people? Do you see what they're doing? Do you see their work?" He said that he was going to ask us to come to the hospital and see if he couldn't find something wrong with us.

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