How We Personalized Our Father's Funeral

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My father died, in the hospital, on a Monday. By Tuesday his body had been embalmed and was dressed and lying in an open casket at the funeral home. We decided he would wear blue denim bib overalls and a blue chambray work shirt, because that was the way he had most often dressed. We even bought his outfit from the retailer he'd done business with most of his life . . . and paid $16.94 for the work clothes. (The funeral home staff had wanted us to purchase a new "inexpensive" $90 suit . . . but such finery would have been completely out of character for Dad.)

From 10 a.m. to 10 p.m. on Tuesday and most of Wednesday, at least one family member was always with the body, at the funeral home, to greet friends. Many people brought flowers, even though we had requested that any donations be sent to designated children's homes instead. And neighbors filled our house with gifts of homecooked food . . . an old and loving custom I hope will continue.

The burial service itself, at 4 p.m. on Wednesday, was partly impromptu. One granddaughter (from Vermont) played the organ and another (from Oregon) performed on her guitar . . . my sister read one of her own poems . . . a close friend of the family sang three songs, including two country-and-western tunes that our father had especially liked . . . and the minister read a remembrance that we'd composed ourselves.

At the cemetery, the sons and grandsons dug the grave, and they closed it as well. (The plot was on land that had been donated, years before, to be used by the church and cemetery . . . so we weren't charged for the site.)

Our dad's burial insurance—which he had carried for years—came to only $500 . . . but by dividing the remaining costs (about $300) among his seven children, we were able to assure that no one suffered undue financial hardship.

And, although several of our relatives indicated displeasure with the "cheap" way we had handled our father's funeral, we knew that Dad would have been pleased with our efforts. We'd given him our best while he was with us . . . and he would never have approved of our going into discouraging, resentful debt to bury him in a manner that was contrary to his lifelong ways.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Aid in arranging a respectful funeral service is available from the Saint Francis Center (Dept. TMEN, 1768 Church Street N. W., Washington, D .C. 20036). The society also sells very inexpensive coffins (kits start at $160), as well as crematory ash boxes. For more infor mation, write—enclosing a self-ad dressed, stamped envelope—and request the Center's free brochure.

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