How We Personalized Our Father's Funeral

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"A good death does honor to a whole life." (Francesco Petrarca)

I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said that nothing in this world is certain but death and taxes. Well, I'd like to add another sure bet to the pair: The cost of both of Ben's absolutes will continually increase!

Although a great deal has been written on the subject of funerals (and their often scandalously high costs) in recent times, none of the reports really touched me personally until six years ago . . . when my father was diagnosed as having terminal cancer.

Knowing that we wouldn't be able to think clearly while under the emotional stress that would undoubtedly hit us upon his death, my brothers and sisters and I began early to plan our father's final rites. As a result of our careful forethought, we were able to give him a special, personalized funeral . . . and one that cut back on unnecessary expense as well.

Since our father chose never to discuss the matter, it was left to us to prepare a ceremony that we believed would approximate what he'd have wanted. So we decided to make his life of farming, and his intense dislike for pomposity, the funeral's central themes.

For instance, when we went to the mortuary in search of a suitable casket, we didn't insist on the "plain pine box" costing $300 (although we were told that one was stored "down in the basement somewhere", we weren't encouraged to see it) . . . but neither did we feel obligated to purchase a beautifully polished hardwood model at $3,000. Instead, we selected a cleanlined, attractive casket priced at $700 (and decided against using an "outside container").

At the same time that we bought the coffin, we made arrangements with the local funeral home for a "standard service". The relatively small payment covered professional services, preparation and care of the body, use of all necessary equipment and facilities, use of automobiles, a guest registry, and acknowledgment stationery.

Among the few "extras" we purchased were certified copies of the death certificate (four at $2 each) . . . obituary notices in the local newspapers . . . a $25 gift payment to the minister performing the service . . . and the preparation of 200 Special Memorials (at a cost of $25).

We decided to have our memorials printed early, to avoid the last minute rush . . . which usually results in the purchaser's settling for copies of the 23rd Psalm (routinely handed out to mourners at many funerals). Instead, we wrote the following passage:

Our Legacy

By worldly standards, Dad's life was not a success.
He possessed nothing of material value,
Nor was he surrounded by friends in high places.
What, then, did he leave us?
He left us values to sustain us in difficult times:
To deal fairly with everyone, to do our best,
Never to stop learning . . . or caring for people,
Animals, and nature. To be dreamers and hope
For the impossible. Never to forget how to laugh.
If we can live by these principles, he will be at rest
And know his life was not in vain.
Dad earned the love and respect we have given him.
No man can do better than that.

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