How To Arrange A Simple Burial

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MEMORIAL SERVICES AND MEETINGS

A memorial service is a service held after the body has been removed. A funeral service is a service held in the presence of the body. Both are intended to fill the same need. In practice the memorial service tends to center more on the life of the person, rather than on the dead body. This allows for greater flexibility and less expense. Because memorial services are less well known, some suggestions may be helpful.

THE TIME AND PLACE

The exact timing of a memorial meeting is flexible, and should take into account the times when family and friends are free to attend. Three or four days after death is the most suitable time, in terms of the emotional needs of the survivors, though in special cases meetings are sometimes scheduled for several weeks afterwards. It is often helpful to hold more than one meeting in cases where there is a group of friends or relatives in a distant place.

The choice of a place is influenced by several factors. The expected attendance should be taken into account. If only a small circle of family and friends is expected to participate, a home or a small chapel or other small place is suitable, preferably one with meaningful associations where the family and friends will feel at home. An attractive outdoor spot is commonly good. If a larger group is expected, a church or auditorium may be used.

THE FORM AND CONTENT

The religious practices and ideals of the family must always be respected, and procedures arranged accordingly. It should be borne in mind also that a meeting with no formal religious content can be made equally moving and satisfying in terms of the spirit. Care should be taken to avoid dry ritual which has no content in terms of the individual situation, and is useful only in letting the family know that they "have done the right thing." Thoughtfulness and skill are important.

The age and character of the person who has died, his or her ideals and aims, and the role he or she played in life are different with each individual. The friends and the community, and their relationship with the one who has died should also be taken into account in determining the time, place, and program.

EACH SITUATION IS DIFFERENT

Programs can be extremely varied. A talk, a prayer, music, and possibly a song reflect the more traditional procedure. Most ministers are experienced in this. Another procedure, more secular in nature, is to schedule a series of short talks by friends and relatives of the deceased, again with music included. Still a third arrangement, as commonly practiced by Friends, is a variation of Quaker worship. A period of music is followed by a few opening remarks stating the purpose of the occasion and inviting the attenders to speak as they wish. These remarks are followed by silence, interspersed with the testimony of family and friends as they feel moved to speak. Often there is song. The exact length of the meeting is not determined ahead of time. Don't cut it short.

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