Playing the Bones

Enlarge Image Image Gallery Stop-action photography catches the sequence of play. THE MOTHER EARTH NEWS EDITORS

Sun-dried, fire-burned, clean-picked and rackety — bones have been used as rhythm-makers throughout the ages. In medieval Europe roving performers, called jongleurs, accompanied their melodies by clacking ox ribs together. And no American minstrel show of the 1800s was complete without a bones player. In fact, the end man in a semicircle of musicians was always called “Mr. Bones.” His job was not only to keep the beat (sometimes with commercially made hardwood clappers), but also to engage in comical exchanges — often punctuated by a skeletal clatter — with the emcee, who was addressed as “Mr. Interlocutor.”

Similar banter continued in the vaudeville of the early 1900s, with such noteworthy characters as Gallagher and Shean (“Absolutely, Mr. Gallagher! Positively, Mr. Shean!”) handling the patter, but the bones had pretty well vanished from the shows by then. A lot of old ideas are receiving new attention nowadays, though, and I (for one) think the “animal clackers” deserve a revival.

Dem Dry Bones

You can still purchase commercially made hardwood bones from some outlets, or you can whittle your own, if you prefer. (The musical sticks and books of instruction are available from Andy's Front Hall. —Mother)  But the aspiring and practical musician may find the best bone is a real bone. In this case, you need to visit your local butcher or (if you don't mind that sort of thing) a slaughterhouse to get some cow ribs (those from lamb and swine aren't heavy enough to produce the proper resonance).

The size and shape of the ribs are critical: If the bones are either too heavy or too thick, they'll be unwieldy and could hurt your fingers. The key is to obtain sections from the far end of the rib — away from the backbone — which are about a quarter-inch thick, 1 inch wide and 7 1/2 inches long. Some supermarkets offer precut “rib stew” made from the beef plate, which can provide both a good dinner and the bones you need. If this isn't readily available in the display case, your butcher will likely be willing to cut such pieces for you.

The first step in preparing the musicmakers is to remove any meat that might still cling to them. Trim away as much as possible and then boil or stew the bones until the remaining scraps come off easily. Place the stripped ribs in an oven heated to 150 degrees fahrenheit for about an hour, or let them bleach in the sun, until they're thoroughly dry. When they've cooled, file and sand the rough edges smooth. (Don't bother painting or staining them, though. Paint only chips off during play, and stain doesn't seem to “take” well on this material.)