How About a Corncob Pipe

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True, nobody ought to smoke . . . but if you haven't kicked the habit yet, you could try doing it in a way that's safer than cigarettes. Cheaper, too. In fact, the equipment's free for the making, so...

Everybody knows the "farmer's meerschaum". At least, we've all seen factory-made corncob pipes in the stores — for 50¢ or a buck each — complete with plastic stem and, sometimes, a metal filter that filters nothing, but does heat up the smoke so that it burns your tongue.

It's pretty certain, however, that the kind of old-timer who made the corncob pipe famous didn't go to the store when he needed a new one. In the first place, there was probably nowhere to shop within a day's ride of his place . . . and besides, the thrifty farmer thought, why buy what you can make? If a return to that kind of self-sufficiency makes sense to you — as it does to many folks these days — you may want to try your hand at a homemade smoking tool.

To begin, you have to get hold of a good corncob. I'm serious! Just any old cob won't do. For one thing, the best pipe material is a recently grown ear that's still firm and not soft with age. Moreover, I'm told that the new hybrid corns are no dern good for pipe making because they're bred to produce as much kernel and as little cob as possible. In other words, the pith — the soft core of the ear — is too small to hollow out properly. Corn of the old Yellow Dent variety is probably best, if you can find it.

(A) Corncob pipes vary in size and shape, so tailor yours to fit your hand comfortably. (B) You'll note that mine is of the "extra-large" variety. (C) Use the larger blade of your penknife to dig out the pith to a depth of two inches. (D) Employ your finger and knife blade as a guage. (E) Make a hole for the stem with a twist drill. (F) Cut your wild rice stalk above the joint mouthpiece and trim to desired length. (G-H) Prepare the end that presses into the bowl with a diagonal cut. (I) Clean out the stem joint. (J) press-fit the bowl with a U-shaped cut upward, and (K) you got yer own dandy corncob pipe!

At any rate, select some likely looking cobs and pick them over to find one that has [1] an end that will fit your hand comfortably and [2] plenty of pith. Needless to say, you'll have to break a few ears to find out what their structure is like.

When you've found your cob, snap off one end to a good length for a pipe bowl . . . about two and a half inches suits me, and I like the pointed end because it seems to fit my hand better. You can trim the break nice and even all the way 'round if you want to, though doing so won't make your pipe smoke any better.

After trimming (or not trimming) the top of the bowl, take the larger blade of your penknife and dig the pith out of the cob with a twisting motion . . . down to a depth of about two inches (estimate by using your knife and finger as a gauge). You'll notice that the next layer out from the core is hard and woody. That firm ring is what gives your pipe its durability, so don't pare it away too much. Your finished hole will be one-half to three-quarters of an inch across, depending on the size of the cob.